Our country is in quarantine. After two months full of days at home, we are living a new normal. In our households, our neighborhoods, and within our communities. I’ve found I’m missing my personal time the most. I no longer have time to myself while our 10 month old naps and my older son is at school. Instead, I’m juggling teaching our 2nd grader with preparing lunch for 2 extra people that weren’t home only a few weeks ago. That creates more dishes and laundry on a daily basis and less time to take a break. I feel guilty if I do, because I know there is so much to get accomplished for that day and for the long term. Getting out on walks has been a huge stress reliever when I get overwhelmed.
I recently grabbed the baby, strapped him on to me in the carrier and left the house in a huff with my husband and son playing happily on their respective devices. I just wanted help with the increase of tasks and responsibilities, but didn’t want to ask. When I did and my timeframe wasn’t met, I just did it myself. Even the baby wasn’t cooperating this day. He wasn’t going down for nap when he should’ve and I didn’t know why. Gassy? Teething pain? Not hungry…I tried feeding him. I just had to get out of the house. We walked the path along the narrow creek through the small stretch of woods in our neighborhood that extends from our street to the parallel one a block away. Milo had finally stopped crying, but was still awake. I kept walking. I continued humming. I let the spring breeze blow away my frustrations. I inhaled the smells of fresh dirt that had been recently stirred up by squirrels trying to find any leftovers from their winter stash. I heard the rustling of crunchy leaves on the ground and branches rubbing against each other as small animals and birds moved around in the woods as we walked the path through their world. Sights, smells, and sounds of nature are always relaxing, but on this walk I was taken back in time with a few distinctively spring sounds.
I heard it. Softly. I looked around and couldn’t see where it came from. Must have been in a neighbor’s backyard. With so much postponed or cancelled recently, the sound brought on feelings of joy and sorrow for those who couldn’t participate this season. It was the unmistakable sound of a ball landing snugly in the pocket of a glove. The mere sound triggered my olfactory glands and tricked my nose into smelling the dust and chalk of a dry baseball field. I stopped in the street and just listened. How often do we do that? STOP. Listen. I waited to hear a few more catches before moving on with a smile on my face and in my heart. The baby was asleep by now, so it was just me and my memories. Alone time! Time to reflect on being alone in a specific position on the field, but a part of a team.
I grew up playing softball from elementary school to adulthood. Half of my life I played on a Women’s team with my sisters and our Dad as coach. Their faces flashed in front of me as I continued walking. Each in full dusty uniform with a mitt at the end of her arm and laughter ruminating between us. I walked on, humming a little more joyfully over my son’s head. A little further down the road … TING… my heart leaped and I skipped forward a little. A natural reaction to launch myself forward at the sound of a ball hitting the sweet spot of the bat. With no bases in front of me I let my mind run. I ran home to batting off a tee in the backyard as a kid or stopping by the batting cage on the way home from work to avoid traffic and prepare for the weekend’s coming games. My memories hit the ground running to the feel of the uneven grass under my feet at the crack of the bat as I positioned to catch a fly ball in Left Center. As I walked on, I questioned myself.
What about softball created such a strong emotional response at the simplest tweaking of my senses? Connection. Relationships. Family. Friends. Fun. Determination. Achievement.
I have only played a handful of games since I was pregnant with my first son eight years ago. I miss it. I wrote this a month ago and shared it with my husband. He and I also enjoyed playing on a coed team together for a few years. In the last few weeks we’ve taken breaks in the middle of the day for a quick game of catch.
To throw away frustrations, catch peace, and foster connection between us.
Even though I haven’t played on the field in a while, I am still part of a team. Multiple teams, actually. My husband and I have our small team of 4 at home. The group texts, family dinners, and now zoom calls keep my siblings, friends and our families connected. I’ve been on my church women’s ministry team for ten years now, building relationships and making friends. I joined the legacy of Mary Kay with my own business 16 years ago. Once our oldest son started school, I felt like part of our neighborhood. These are all teams on which I feel supported. We have fun together. There are times when we shout the ‘plays’ out to each other, encouraging one another to use our skills, talents and knowledge to make smart choices when faced with line drives or pop flies in our lives, and most recently, a delay of game due to the quarantine. One thing I learned very early on in softball is to always back each other up. Practice skills and take ownership of your roles and responsibilities, but put the team first. How can I advance a runner? Make the catch and get the out, don’t let the ball drop. Always back up your teammates! I’ve found the same to be true in the community around me. This quarantine time has caused all of us to be creative and more intentional about staying connected. Last month’s softball sensory walk was a time of gratefulness for the people in my life and the moments we shared and will continue to, whether on the field or off.
v.7 Casting all your cares [all your anxieties, all your worries, and all your concerns, once and for all] on Him, for He cares about you [with deepest affection, and watches over you very carefully.
1 Peter 5:1-14 in Amplified Bible